To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness
Over the last few weeks my mind has been battling the certain thoughts which I have found extremely hard to talk to anyone about.
See this is the thing, I am a procrastinating parent.
I was brought up as a child in the 80's when there was only four TV channels and to have fun you played outside on your bike or climbed trees.
I always remember my mum always asking me to do something worth while. Puzzles, games etc.
I remember watching TV in the morning, sometimes too early(6am) but I don't remember watching TV in the daytime.
Fast Forward to the present day and Sky TV has over 200 channels, with at least 25 children's channels serving entertainment sometimes 24hrs a day. Why do they do this ? Most kids are in bed by 8pm.
Kids don't play outside anymore like they used to. Computer Games have taken over.
Its taken me a long time to come to the conclusion that maybe I am responsible for the Autism in my Son Zachary.
I believe that during the early years of his life he spent way to much time in front of Peppa Pig. The lack of one to one stimulation due to me procrastinating instead of spending the time I had playing with him more and interacting with him on a educational level.
I have a busy job but it is no excuse. He liked Peppa Pig. As soon as the program started he would get very excited. I can see the appeal to a young child. Moving characters and bright colours would make any child turn and look at the screen. But as I look back without my rose tinted specs on, I now realise the error in our ways. Sometimes parents when stressed, look for a outlet. Help maybe in the form of a distraction. Not all parents are perfect.
We bought him dvds, and books with peppa pig on it. I thought I was doing the right thing. Now I think not.
If I could turn back time I would have pulled the plug on the TV and instead of that, got some toys out and started playing with him.
Now although there has been studies across the world on the effects of too much TV and not enough stimulation in Autism cases, nothing has ever been proven. This in my opinion is a generous form of Conformation Bias. Why would you as a researcher want to tell every parent that TV is bad ?
No parent ever likes being told what to do with their children. This information would just go in one ear and out the other, whilst some parents would be smashing ever TV in the house in fear.
People only see what they want to confirm what they already think. I was one of these people.
I never considered the effects of TV on Zachary because Peppa Pig was doing us a service in keeping Zach busy whilst we completed other tasks like tidying up, making dinner etc.
After speaking to my mum regarding what I was like as a baby, my mum told me about all the times she would read and show me pictures out a book, often to the point of me being bored because it became too easy. I find that the correlation between the increase in Autism cases and the increase in TV channels scary.
Although this might be a Texas Sharpshooter Fallacy given no evidence has been shown, I can't help thinking that as more and more cases of autism are reported in children, they seems to be a trend as the years have gone on. Maybe this is due to more diagnosis of the condition ?
All I know is that in my heart of hearts, I honestly believe I have failed my son and should be held responsible for it. I didn't interact with my son as much as I should have.
Maybe I'm wrong but they say you should go with your gut instinct and my gut is telling me that I didn't do enough.
I say Procrastination because every human does this. Going to the Chip shop for tea instead of cooking a healthy meal. Watching a film instead of going to the gym. It is a human trate that can be avoided.
Mine was putting Zach in front of the TV because it was easier than sitting with him and having the patience to encourage him to play. Not saying that I never played with him because that would be wrong.
What happened to Zachary is probably the worst experience of my life. Something that I now feel guilty for.
Archie my other son is now 14 months old. I have been worrying myself to death for the past three months that he will start to show signs of regression. I look at absolutely every thing he does and monitor his actions. Now Instead of this, I shall be switching off the TV and making sure, given I am busy at work in the daytime, that when I get home I will sit with him for at least 1 hour and play with him like I should.
I am also going to get him into a nursery so he can interact with other kids his age and hopefully pick up things from them.
Now people might say that what I'm saying is either stupidly obvious to parents or just plain rubbish and un-factual. After sitting up nearly every night wondering what I did wrong or how this happened, it took a situation recently to make me consider this. While Archie was watching TV, I tried calling his name and he didn't respond. I thought maybe he can hear me but he's just ignoring me. But then the TV switched itself off and I called his name again. After 3 times he eventually turned around with that beautiful smile on his face. He was sucked into the beautiful pictures and moving characters on the TV. Turning the TV off made all the difference. Then I thought back to when Zach was his age and remembered similar things happening. My mind started racing and at this point I started to consider that maybe I could have done this before. It makes me so angry that wanted to scream. Have I been responsible for Zachary becoming Autistic. People might say that I'm mad or that blaming myself is stupid because I can't prove anything. I believe we as parents didn't do enough for Zach in his early years and now he is the way he is because of our procrastination.
I wrote this today because I wanted to vent out and put what I have been thinking on paper.
I can't help think that maybe things could have been different but all I can do is protect Archie from the same fate. Even if it means removing the TV all together.
When I say we as parents I say both of us. We are both to blame for not spending enough time interacting with Zach. I don't mean to be nasty as I know being a mum can be stressful but I would be the first to admit that I honestly feel looking back on his early first years that I personally didn't do enough. I know that from now because of my epiphany( if that's what you can call it) I will from now give Archie and Zach more interaction time and a lot less TV.
Now I came up with this thought because I wanted to figure out what I did wrong. Maybe I have lost the plot. I will never know what might have happened if I actioned these thoughts when Zach was a baby. Call me naive, lazy or stupid. I couldn't agree with you more.
Kevin Killen.
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